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Would I? Obviously. Vajazzling, in my opinion, is the only civilized way to wear rhinestones. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a blinged-up Ed Hardy t-shirt, but somehow the idea of a little sparkle on my lady business is appealing. Maybe it’s because I have a small scar from a C-section about 14 months ago (shout out to Dr. Finkelstein for making the tiniest incision ever, and for vaginal preservation), or maybe it’s because I haven’t had sex in a year. And no, I’m not Vajazzling to find a boyfriend, although I do appreciate all the tweets I’ve gotten today asking me for drinks, naked bowling, the opera, and a “sensual pilates date.”
So how exactly does a lady get her business Vajazzled? It’s a 2-step process involving some pretty high-tech wax, and then some pretty fabulous Swarovski crystals. But before any crystallization can occur, the entire region gets waxed. Although I was initially scared of the head-of-vaj-waxing, Jill, she turned out to be more like a pleasant cheerleader than anything else. She would chant funny little things like “spread ‘em, I can tell this is going to be easy for you!” and “aww, c’mon, this is gonna be great by the time you’re all done Vajazzling!” And it was true, her positive outlook on the status of my crotch really helped the experience to be relatively pain-free. On to the crystals!
I felt like I was in a doctor’s office. Everything was crisp, clean, white, and sterile. I got a 2 or 3 minute break after my wax to “relax and get ready” for the actual Vajazzling. I laid back on the table (obviously pantless), and Jill prepped my area with a mild cleansing solution to rid the region of any remaining wax. Then came little sheets of real Swarovski crystals that she heated in the palms of her hands for a few seconds before applying to my freshly waxed skin. The bottom of each sheet of crystals has a strong adhesive material that’s completely invisible to the naked eye. Larger areas of crystals are applied directly from a sheet, while more design-specific crystals are painstakingly applied by a tweezer on an individual basis.
After all the crystals were applied, Jill used her hand to seal a little more heat into the adhesive. She assured me that they’re pretty strong, and that Completely Bare guarantees their Vajazzles for 5 days. When she reminded me not to engage in any “vigorous activity for at least the first day” I couldn’t help but laugh to myself… vigorous activity? I should be so lucky.
I left the spa feeling like a new woman. I had a little spring in my step and couldn’t help but think that I would actually do this on a semi-regular basis if I had a man in my life. Why not? Until then, I can keep the solo party going around my disco ball of a crotch. I don’t think I’ll be bringing a photographer and film crew next time though, that was just plain bizarre.
For those of you interested in Vajazzling, it will be offered during Spa Week at Completely Bare on Bond Street as well as in Westchester. You can also visit a spa in Washington D.C. called Strippers (go figure) for the same treatment. Spa Week Spring 2010 will take place April 12-18th, when all treatments will just be $50 a pop. You can pre-book starting March 15 on the Spa Week site. My birthday is April 15, and I’ll be back to Vajazzle my way on to 26.
In case one of you accidentally left on TBS after The Office last night, you would have maybe stopped to see Jennifer Love Hewitt on Lopez Tonight. Yeah, I still didn’t care until one word was mentioned: Vajazzle. Think Bedazzle + Vagina = Vajazzle and it’s exactly what you are thinking.
Wondering what would drive someone to this!? “After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski crystalled my, um, precious lady,” Hewitt told Lopez. “It shined like a disco ball.” Because that’s exactly what I want for my lady business. To blind whoever it is looking at my lady parts.
Apparently this is becoming quite the trend of choice after a waxing of the lady business. Guess what?! It’s offered here in New York City at Completely Bare Spa! I’m just saying Valentines Day is around the corner, and what a way to say “Honey, I love you” than with a bunch of overpriced crystals on your hoo-ha?! You’re right, it is the best.